The truth is, I kind of hate this sign right now [see below]. Even though you were never really ours, we don’t feel complete without you. We will always be yours.
Trusting that it’s good you’ve rejoined your mom and dad is hard. That said, please know this: I won’t let what I know of their troubles deter me from rooting for them. I promise to be for your family always. I pray for the strength, provision and support of you three–and your half-sister with her grandmother–every day.
Admitting bitterness towards the sign is not to say that God has been lacking in His care for us. He has bathed us in mercy. And the sweet moments we have as a family of five are real. Just this week we sang to Hudson over birthday brownies, chuckled amid cards and bar-b-que (as we do), and exchanged Valentine’s Day letters. But it is overwhelming to realize how many days I haven’t seen you. The thing is, you left us just as suddenly as you came, and it’s haunting.
These days move slower. I’m more given to shelving to-do’s, soaking in Avery’s hugs, catching Hudson’s eyes for extra smiles, and offering Laurel a hand to hold before she asks. I see that, one day, they too will fly the nest. (We have no way of really knowing how long we have with one another.)
All of this is to say that, as I hold your foster siblings tight, I’m practicing trusting that the One who “clothes the lilies” also holds you. No longer do I get to be the one who carries you, or gives a shoulder to your tired head. But the One who promises to meet every need, to “use all things for our good”, and to “dry every tear” holds you—and me, and the three still with me—forever. Loving you,
– Tia
this riven bloom 